[Vox pop] Chinese parenting: Tough love or just tough?
Chinese parenting is often seen as strict and demanding, yet it is also rooted in profound love. As a new generation reaches adulthood and reflects on how they were raised, many are beginning to understand their parents’ choices and redefine what good parenting truly means.
Chinese parenting has a reputation for being tough. Parents often plan their children’s lives — from education to career and even marriage — believing that strict discipline and clear direction will secure an easier path to a better future. While they mean well, children often say that’s not what they want.
Many grew up with what is often called critical parenting — where achievements go unnoticed, but mistakes are met with constant criticism. Though driven by good intentions to encourage improvement, this approach can leave lasting scars of self-doubt and low self-esteem.
Unlike in Western families, Chinese parents seldom say “I love you” aloud. Instead, their love is expressed through actions: paying for top schools, treating children to special meals, or giving them the best food while parents eat leftovers. This sacrificial love often comes at the expense of their own comfort.
Chinese parenting is deeply rooted in tradition, with sayings like “spare the rod and spoil the child” emphasising discipline. Many parents, shaped by hardship, push their children to work hard for a better life and to learn to cope with intense family and social pressures.
As these children grow older, many come to understand their parents’ love and limitations, making peace with the past. However, few wish to raise their own children the same way — preferring more freedom, less pressure, and more encouragement. Some say they wouldn’t have children at all unless they could provide without expecting anything in return.
For this new generation, love is no longer about control or sacrifice — it is about understanding, letting go, and giving both their children and themselves the space to breathe.
This video was produced with assistance from Ngian Xuan Rong, Zaobao video team.
